FF8 Death Match!
by Autumn Snow
Summary: Title says it all. Chosen ff8 characters will be fighting each other because of a certain prize! Who will win? And what is this 'prize' the lame author talking about? *squinoa in the 1st chap*


Disclaimer: I do not own FF8. Oh…wait… did I say 'I don't own FF8'? As a matter of fact, I do!! Yes, envy me! *jumps around like an idiot* YEAH!! *FF8 cast glares at Autumn Snow* Errr… okay… uh… guess I should give you back to SQUARESOFT? *Autumn Snow thinks* NO WAY!!! *Rinoa casts 'Firaga' on Autumn Snow* YEOW! Hey! That hurts! Okay! I'll give all of you back!!! Ahem. Okay, FF8 'momentarily' belonged to me. Now it belongs to SQUARESOFT.

Autumn Snow: Title says it all. I'm the referee for all the battles to be held on the 'almighty ring'. Oh yeah, I don't own MTV's Celebrity Death Match, okay? Anyway, my first attempt to write a ff8 comedy fic. Wow. Now on with the fic!

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~ FF8 Death Match ~

A crappy fic brought to you by yours truly:

Autumn Snow

Chapter 1: CATFIGHT!

Autumn Snow: Yeah, so welcome everyone to FF8 Death Match. For the first battle, Rinoa, Quistis and Selphie are our dear contestants. Um… Anyone who cares to cheer for them?

Audience: …

AS: Riiiight. Anyway, in the blue and black corner, the female lead character in FF8, Rinoa Heartilly!

Rinoa: *climbs the ring* Hi everyone!!

Audience: *cheers and claps their hands*

AS: And in the red corner, the pretty instructor, Quistis Trepe!!

Quistis: I am so gonna win this!!

Audience: *cheers*

Quistis' Fan club Members: YEAH!!!!! GO INSTRUCTOR! GO! GO! GO!

Quistis: err… hehehe… thanks. Glad you could make it here. *smiles*

QFCM: *continues to cheer*

AS: Heeey! What the?! How did they get in here?! I thought I told them to stay out?!

Selphie: HEEEY! That's mine, you know?!

Raijin: AND that's MINE, ya know?!

AS: …. Sorry…

Selphie: Sorry Raijin.

Raijin: That's okay, ya know?

Selphie: ahem

AS: Oh yeah… sorry. And in the yellow and cheerful corner of the ring, the 'Whoo-hoo' girl in FF8, Selphie Tilmitt!!

Selphie: Coffee! Anyone here who likes coffee?

Audience: *raises their hands* We do! *cheers*

Irvine: Go, Selphie baby! *cheers*

AS: Wow… and I thought the Audience didn't want to cheer. Anyway, before the battle begins I shall read some rules. First of all, no backing out. Second, defeat your enemy at all costs. Third, there will be no consolation prizes 'coz I am so broke, so, don't envy the winner.

Quistis: Hmmm… okay! Wait, what's the prize??

Rinoa: Yeah! What's the prize?

AS: It's a secret.

Selphie: What? Then, then, I won't participate!!

Rinoa: Same here!

Quistis: Me too!

AS: Errr…Okay! Prize is Squall! A date with Squall!

Quistis: That's…it?

Rinoa: A freaking date with Squall?

Selphie: That is so lame. Ooohhh… Wait a minute, do we get to drink coffee?

AS: Yes, a freaking date with Squall. I happen to know how much obsessed you three are with Squall! And, besides, I paid for the date! It's an all-expense paid date, okay!! I used my savings just for that date! And, Selphie, no. No coffee.

Rinoa: You're obsessed with Squall, too.

Quistis: Yeah. And a date is so freaking lame.

Selphie: No coffee? I won't participate then!

AS: Okay! Okay! A date AND the winner gets to sleep with Squall for one night! Is that okay?? And, yes, WITH coffee.

Rinoa: Now we're talking. *smiles*

Quistis: You mean… like… make out with him??

AS: Uh… yes.

Quistis: Oh… My… God!!! *giggles*

Selphie: YAY! Coffee!

Squall: *gives AS the 'what-if-Selphie-wins-then-I-have-to-make-out-with-her' glare*

AS: *gives Squall the 'bet-she's-great-in-bed-too' look*

Squall: *smirks*

AS: Whatever.

Squall: That's my line!!

AS: Yeah right.

Rinoa: *looks at Squall* Um… honey, why are you tied to that cross?

Squall: I don't know. That bitchy girl there *points at AS* tied me up here!

AS: 'Cause he's the prize. I need him.

Rinoa: Oh, right.

Audience: *shouts* What about the battle?!

AS: Oh yeah. Anyway, first battle will be called 'CATFIGHT'.

Selphie: Yay! Cats!

Rinoa: Catfight? Why?

Quistis:….

AS: We want to see a CATFIGHT for crying out loud! Is that too much to ask?

Rinoa:…

Quistis: Not really…

Selphie: CATFIGHT! YAY!

AS: Okay. I'll count. 1…2…3…FIGHT!!

Selphie: Time to use my secret weapon!!! *grabs a small black box out of nowhere*

AS: Um… what exactly is that?

Selphie: Deluxe Coffee Maker 3000!! Makes coffee without the necessary ingredients!

AS: Wow…ok.

Selphie: *sits on a corner and drinks coffee* Coffee!

Rinoa: ….Guess she's out?

Quistis: Guess so.

Rinoa: Look out, bitchy instructor! *casts Firaga*

Quistis: Shell!

Rinoa: *summons GF Shiva*

Quistis: What the? *summons GF Siren*

Rinoa: "Diamond Dust!"

Quistis: "Silent Voice!"

Quistis: *falls on the floor*

Rinoa: *falls but stands up* YEAH! I'm the winner! *jumps around*

AS: Um… Not yet! You still have to defeat Selphie!! *points at Selphie drinking coffee*

Selphie: Coffee!! Coffee! Coffee! *drops on the floor*

Irvine: Selphie!!

Rinoa: Erm.. she's um… she…um…drank too much coffee…

AS: O_o Okay! You're the winner!

Rinoa: YEAH!

Squall: *gets released from the cross thingy*

Rinoa: I won! Squally! I won!! *jumps happily*

Squall: Great! Now we can have sex!

AS: WHAT? Hey, you people are so not allowed to do that in my ring!

Squall: Says who? *grabs Rinoa and starts making out in the ring*

AS: O_o Omigod, I am so not allowed to view this!

Audience: …. O_O

AS: I'm underaged! I'm only 13!

Audience: … *stares at Squall and Rinoa*

AS: This is not a porn fic, okay?? So, stop it people!

Squall and Rinoa: *continues making out*

AS: Uh… Camerman? Can you…um.. please drag them out?

Cameraman: I'm… busy… *makes out with Quistis*

AS: Wha… What? You aren't allowed to do that!!

Audience: …. O_O

Cameraman: Wonderful Quistis! Wonderful!

AS: You people are so sick…

Audience: *continues staring*

Director (yes, we have a director even though my fic isn't really a show): Autumn Snow!! You're show's taking up too much time!! The director of 'Shut Up And Listen' is complaining to me!!

AS: What the hell? Shut up and listen? I thought the next show's 'Sabrina The Teenage Bitch'?

Director: Oh… Yeah. Right. Sorry. Just finish your fucking fic now! As in, NOW!

AS: *sighs* You're so mean!! *sobs*

Director: Whatever. Are you gonna finish your fic or what? And get those fucking people off the ring!

Audience: O_O

AS: *sighs* Okay… you people heard him. Sad to say but… Chapter one has reached ending. Bye bye! Wait, don't touch that remote! Sabrina the Teenage Bitch is next!! *grins*

~*~

Um… okay. What can you people say? This is my first sort-of comedy fic. The battle ended so fast. Wow. Did you laugh? Probably not. I am so lame. Waahh… anywayz, review!! ^.^

~*~Autumn Snow~*~

p.s. I need ideas for the third chapter!! (not second, okay? I already have a battle in mind.) So, yeah, give a review and tell me the names of the characters that should appear in the third chapter. State also the prize if you want to! ^.^


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